Your H does sound very remorseful though OMG. Now what??? Personally, ones FOO issues is for THEM to figure out not the spouse. I have a business degree and foreign language minor!!! He figured out I can be his best friend or his worst enemy. Thank you. Id like to think H has waylaid his moral compass but there is the scary thought that maybe this IS his moral compass. Needless to say it came up a MC she said dream talking and drug talking dont mean anything. Its easier for me to share with family. > Recall why you said yes in the first place and see if your reasons are still valid.> Think about what you like, what you love about your future spouse and why these aspects of his personality are so special to you. Your journey seems to have followed a similar trajectory in the abuse stakes. If I had to go to something like that, it would literally blow my anxiety radar up!! So his mid life crisis A and everything else just added to the mix to make a great H go off the deep end. ! I asked him 3 times to repeat it, kind of freaked out, but he wouldnt say it again. I know what youre feeling being gone. When he came home I wanted to leave but he wouldnt let me drive..that was probably a good thing. We date 5 years. They have two people trying to destroy the M and pull him out of the business. Well done GoldenChild for using Satori to get your leg up in life and in successfully using and exploiting her and her generous trusting family to get what you needed to make us look good. No remorse, only self pity. If so, would love to hear how you managed to reconcile after such a traumatic experience. My feeling is that he enjoys the idea that he can come back to me, it puffs up his ego that all Im waiting on is for his return. Do not talk about legal stuff to anyone. Its just sometimes too late to turn back. Does your W ever kind of have any empathy moments? Stay focused on your well-being. I keep in mind the song The Gambler by Kenny Rogers. Yes I get the frustration and anger. Im learning to live with it. He acted completely out of character all of a sudden. And when the OW tried to start up a third time he immediately showed me the email and never responded. The more I respect myself, and insist upon my rights and better treatment, the less sure of himself he becomes and the more like his old self. Threaten to dissolve the business. If you care about helping betrayed spousesand I believe you dothen I challenge you to consider all of them and not just the ones who dont threaten your fixed identity. They have to make their own choices but they also have to live with the consequences of those choices. Dog is still confused. Satori- I feel for you. Its a game of survival. I felt it was important to provide full-disclosure on that point since this is not a viewpoint that was maintained in my particular degree program. But I think his family has had a very profound impact on him and led him down the wrong path. Serial cheater was one, alcoholic (at 18) was another. WWWhhhaat??? Just keep loving you son. After that you can work on your personal relationship. This is a bad sign, it promises an early separation. Traveled See some art, great sights, and eat good food and drink some good wine. He accepted but then he burst into tears on the phone. One day, just 3 days after he left (and this was before I found out about the affair!) Narcissists Abandon their Families and Reinvent Themselves. Thats the state of play in my world currently. Sorry but cheater logic simply pisses me off!! Hopefully the reality check will flush out a breakthrough. We play doctor. Luckily the business owes me a small amount of money so Im going to start my new little personal nest egg. He had no sympathy from me because cheating is a choice. Hes out of his home. It is better for all concerned that I dont call OW. And then continuing an EA on his return to this SkankHo who resides in another country by Skype and Whatsapp. Last year (3years after DDay) he finally went to counseling. So unfairpainful. But I just know hes got to be thinking What have I done? And that puts you many steps ahead of him.. Weve all experienced and heard how they act like cowards and then vomit some wordsalad and we are left shaking our heads. They have kept their discontent with the marriage bottled up for years, pretending that everything is fine. 4:15am here. Its only in your head you feel left out or looked down on. And I was still on that roller coaster ride. CA. Give him time to let stuff soak in. Hard to watch but he did the right thing. Youve heard of fight or flight when things get tough? Uneasy. As hard as that might be, it will free your mind to fully engage on what you want in life. Clearly no the guy you thought he was. You two need MC where you both feel safe opening up. An auction on eBay of a slice of toast carved with a likeness of Wilbanks closed with a winning bid of $15,400.[12]. Prior to this she believed she was in a mutually supportive, loving, and monogamous relationship. Put it this way, he seemed pretty happy up until the day I put him on that plane so if in his mind there were issues then he was just using me. 1. And having spoken to OW before I confronted him she provided details as well and she sent me the emails so I had additional evidence of most of what transpired. I did not find this site until DDay2 and the A ended (same day). No one can understand the trauma of having your spouse walk in the door and say I want a Divorce unless it has happened to them. My therapist told me that mid life crisises ruin more marriages I can believe it. Youve thrown him a rope but its his responsibility to climb out. It literally makes me gag. I do think though you need to pick your fights carefully. I am so sorry you experienced this. Without that, I simply wouldnt be here at all. If I brought up issues in the evening Now I wont be able to sleep Cry me a river, right. I dont know if her ex husband is still in the picture, if he still loves her, or if he has moved on? Im glad you are here. Although this kind of act rather characterizes the unstable character of the one who despaired of it. I didnt hit him with it but I destroyed his office. H changed tack and said we dont have as much in common. Im like, well all I did was support your passions (sport, preferences etc) you dont support mine at all. I was too clingy. I asked him to help me with some spots that were hard for me to get and to re-attach the electrical covers so we didnt get shocked. You are only in control of you. Let their good for nothing golden child suckel off them for a while they think hes so great. Sometimes I feel it. So he got a turnaround too. Use your advisers as a check. I am amazed but H still has no idea I have been literally around the world let alone in hospital. Wish I was joking. I have been furious, inconsolable, suicidal and catatonic. They set up an alternative life and once that setup is complete, they bailed. I didnt care. But beneath the mask of a shy, vulnerable and good person something far more sinister lurks. Its when I returned from CO after 2 weeks that I threw down the gauntlet. Pay phones, fax line at the office and in person. She never left the house but she wasnt there. Pretty sure from everything I read everywhere that no one is happy with the family law system regardless of what country you are in. Ive done this sparingly, maybe 3 or 4 times now. This is the fear of the CS: exposure for their behavior and the truth that they are to blame. I did notice that youd gone kinda silent but I thought maybe you werent in the mood to talk. He was hoping the MC would talk sense into me and facilitate an amicable divorce. So one day I woke up and did it. Sheesh I think I saw their price per share jump after my personal DDay!! Projection much?? It was on him 200% to turn this around. Hi Trying Hard And if she really wants to see me lose it she better never try it again!!! But he kept coming around. She walked in and looked at me. I wanted to convey that this stuff is life changing and we will do things we NEVER imagined we were capable of. I hope you lawyer up and maybe talk to a therapist for support. With Tenor, maker of GIF Keyboard, add popular Runaway Bride animated GIFs to your conversations. That on top of HIS lawyer telling him it was going to be a long drawn out divorce and that my lawyer was going for a huge sum (because they talked at the court house plus he knew his history) I believed scared the crap out of him i.e. Ive lost so much weight my trainer is worried. The reasons for this behavior lie in personality psychology. Its my last chance and my last hope. Ive found there are some posts I read thoroughly while others not so much. Any funeral mention by him is just words. He walked out of the room and I followed him into the hallway where my rage suddenly hit me!! And I had it briefly as a teenager too. I worry about revenge as a concept. Puzzled. Matter of fact about a year and a half prior I got so mad one Sunday because he was playing lots of golf and taking way too much time playing it plus working so much. I just wonder what made your H snap like that. Yeah a few games came into play. You know your H better than anyone. This has been going on since the affair started in Mid May. You dictate how you feel and there are no apologies needed for how you feel to anyone. Or knows. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. It does t work like that. On May 22, 2006, People magazine reported that Wilbanks and Mason had officially called off their engagement. Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. This helps me to forgive her and myself. If your body starts to fall apart, your mind will quickly follow. rescuer / caretaker and yes, fixer / denial and PTSD. JTKI think your wife is detaching from you. It worked. Id sign that petition. We purchased a new home together just seven minutes from work, which was a very big deal because of the commutes and real estate prices in the area. He could hive and should have handled this situation much better. And yesthe sadness can be overwhelming. They have no shame about their reprehensible, destructive behaviorsAfter causing horrific trauma to a wife or husband and children who have been abandoned, he moves on to re-invent himself and re-burnish his image. Runaway bride syndrome (gamophobia, gametophobia) mangrupikeun komplks sipat kapribadian ngatip anu henteu aya hubunganana sareng panyawat mntal. H knows it. It was end it now or face divorce. Both of them abandoned their families and each of them had several children under the age of 18 years old. I know I felt the most helpless is when I felt I didnt have a choice. So sorry to read he is still blaming you got his A. He got a taste of what Im thinking if D is in play the other night and he didnt like it at all and he stormed off. I havent been happy in years. Thank you so much for replying to me. Self worth was one part but not the whole picture. Just wow. Busy before and busy when you get home. Quite the definition..see that sense of humor is still there lol!!! I am really glad that you have your dog during this time. And its not a straight line. In a sense, she is using her husband until breaking up is convenient for her. Satori deserves to be smacked down hard for bringing to our attention the bad upbringing GoldenCHild had because we are all functioning alcoholics and doubly so for letting us know that GoldenCHild is too since he learned it from us. How couldnt she simply look at her daughter and say youre breaking your vows and destroying your life? Has anyone had experience with this and how to R? Maybe Im just stubborn as hell. Cheaters are entitled, character disordered people. The hard thing to accept is that my H doesnt care at all how I am or how Im feeling about anything. It is possible that such a psychological approach will help to "escape" from the fear of marriage. My managers were in the vicinity, so I decided to delay my response. I told him i was. The revisionist history of the M. The untrue accusations. He even admitted that had I even had his friends or family talk to him it would not have changed anything. Tried to be a better parent. That is a lot to face at once. You will get through this. Meanwhile, Clark tells Chloe he has a memory of stealing an armored truck the night before. Now that his parents have turned against you he is not saying how will this R wirk. Move on! Him Im not so sure about. Satori I was at home one miserable March Saturday stripping wall paper from our bathroom as Id been doing must of that week. Its not harsh or ungodly to demand that our spouses are faithful and truthful. It was hard for me to recount that stuff. Just a few days before his demand for a D. I am so sorry for you as you try to get through this awful situation. Its natural. Au contraire Satori!! My other children were very supportive of me but the oldest is the only person that was ANGRY FOR ME. Most maddeningly they will simply look dead in the eyes and with no guilt or shame whatsoever tell you that black is white and up is down. To heck with them. But an A sure seems like a solution. I hope your H wakes up before it is too late. OMG SI I dont know what I would have done had I heard her name uttered in his sleep! The detaching thing is the worst. Be happy, choose life, choose peace. But even if it doesnt change anything, at least I can now stop blaming myself, as before I knew the truth of the situation, I was fully taking it on as being all my fault. This went on for a while because once he moved back is when i found my anger at the whole thing and like I said we were talking A LOT and going to MC. Or is my situation too far gone so he will keep going do you think? But I told him I now did not want to R and have accepted we will not make it, but that now we still need to get some framework around the deconstruction of the situation. I tell myself I am a survivor. Oh at least I believed he was that timid forest creature. He is a child. H attempted to cancel our date at the last minute as he was wrecked from work. I pointed out to him how could I ever truly believe he wants R (as we were discussing) if he cant even commit to a dinner with his W on a Saturday night. I went to a MC, a psychiatrist (for meds), and two different therapists for the better part of 4 years. Non committal. It helped A LOT! Ah.it all makes sense now, lol!!! I honestly dont know who he is right now. Im glad you are keeping your circle small. Didnt care what happened to him. One thing that worries me is that you got the renewed commitment while your H had one foot out the door, yet mine already has two. It was a choice he made a poor one and he got caught up in the emotional side and it overtook him. We cant do a lot but we will be good listeners and give any helpful advice we can. I took that kick me sign off my back and became a demanding assertive bitch! Great yield and resistance. Of course she claims it was all just for show. Again I wouldnt contact him for anything. Hi TryingHard, was that last post you made a reply to me? No compassion for her. I hope you can find some positive thoughts of your friend and reflect on them. First off I am happy to hear your brother is looking after you and making plans for a trip for you. I supported her. When this does not help, it is worth contacting a psychologist. When the friction had increased to a rate that was unbearable, I texted her and asked her if she would like Chinese Food for lunch. its not called a deadline for nothing!! Those early days of loss are something else and its never to be underestimated just getting through them but having company is key. Had no idea we were having an argument or anything. This morphed over time to mean different things including but not limited to this: There WAS something. Personal issues which will accordingly be handed over entirely to H to instigate and follow through with IC (for H) / MC (for us both) / whatever (holiday / finding new place to live) R will only be on the table once the docs are signed and those things are in place. The cheater just seems to follow the same patterns of behavior. 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